Why We Have Artificial Plants

“I have no plants in my house. They won’t live for me. Some of them don’t even wait to die, they commit suicide.” ─ Jerry Seinfeld

Artificial plants were invented because of people like me. My plants look like they’ve been abused, and if they could, they would run screaming at the sight of me. I know this because I hear them whisper behind my back and see their leaves shake in fear as I approach. I admit I’m not a Martha Stewart when it comes to plant presentation and preservation, but there are two plants in my house that absolutely must survive! One was given to me by my grandma. The other is an ivy plant that was originally in my wedding bouquet.

My grandma was a woman who could grow a garden out of a pile of cement. Unfortunately, I didn’t inherit any of her green thumb techniques. What I did inherit was one of her prize plants that she kept in her living room. She gave it to me as a housewarming gift. I thought things were going well until my grandma stopped by for a surprise visit. The prize plant’s leaves weren’t reaching upward in jubilation. They were dragging on the floor in despair. So I did what any caring granddaughter would do. I hid the plant in the dryer – away from my grandma’s eyes. After the dryer incident, that plant went through months of therapy before it was ready to show any signs of life. Since that time, I’ve been very diligent in taking care of it. It blooms once a year, and then makes a mess. It’s a way of getting back at me!

Grandma’s plant

I thought the trailing ivy in my wedding bouquet was a marvelous idea. When someone suggested that I root it and plant it as a tribute to our marriage, I thought that was a marvelous idea, too. My ivy plant was growing healthy and strong just like our marriage. Then one of my friends casually said, “Don’t ever let it die. You know what that means!” I knew what it meant. It meant I was going to jump on my friend and pummel her for even mentioning such a thing. That evening, I snipped a piece off the ivy plant and rooted it. Since then I have snipped, rooted, and planted ivy until we have an ivy-covered house interior. Never say die!   

One of the many wedding ivy plants


The tales from above are the reasons why I LOVE artificial plants. It’s sad, but true. I may have a brown thumb, but two those plants are going to be stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive even if it kills me trying.

Picture books about plants:  The Tiny Seed by Eric Carle (Little Simon, 2009),  A Tree Is Nice by Janice May Udry (HarperCollins, 1987) Who Will Plant a Tree This Year? by Jerry Pallotta (Sleeping Bear Press, May 2010)

Nonfiction books about plants:  How Do Plants Grow? by Melissa Stewart (Marshall Cavendish Children’s Books, 2008), The Magic School Bus Plants Seeds by Joanna Cole (Scholastic Paperbacks, 1995)

Explore posts in the same categories: Laughter, Life, Picture Books

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